All of Her Things

Today is my 10 year hair anniversary! I feel like every year someone asks what that means, so let me start by sharing the story of almost any black girl you’ve ever met. (If you don’t want to read this whole thing, feel free to scroll to the bottom and just look at my hair transformation pictures, lol).

As a child, my mother would sit me between her legs; she’d pull out the hair grease and style my kinky curly hair with braids and hair clips. Then I reached 6th grade, and unfortunately, non-black girls started making fun of my hair (and crooked tooth), so I asked my mother if I could start wearing it straight, just like the other girls. Every week or two, my mother would either take me to a salon or she’d be the one to take a hot comb to my head and straighten it. I remember one time, I went to the salon to get my hair done, and the woman accidentally burnt the back center of my hair and didn’t say anything. My mother was livid. That section of my hair has NEVER grown correctly since.

After the hot comb, which I suppose became a lot of work, I started getting it chemically straightened every month. By that time, I could take care of my hair in between perms on my own. Getting it done that way didn’t hurt my hair that much, but I think if I continued, it would have. My hair grew, but looking back at pictures, it had no “life.” 

When I got to college, I noticed more and more black women starting to rock their curly hair, and I began to hate burning my hair and scalp to keep it straight. I remember asking my friends what they thought about the idea of me cutting my hair off. I’m pretty sure ALL of my close friends told me not to do it, but I already had it in my mind that I wanted to cut it. Even my family thought it was a bad idea. I asked my boyfriend at the time what he thought, and he told me he didn’t care. I appreciate his reaction now (although I still would have cut it, maybe not so drastically). So, I did it. I stopped perming it in Feb. 2011 and let it grow only a little bit. I remember transitioning was so hard to manage because part of my hair was pin-straight. I didn’t know how to handle it, I think I just wore extensions for a bit, but I think as the natural hair movement progressed, people learned how to work with it better than I could. I styled it this way through graduation. Then on the weekend of July 29th (I’m unsure the exact day), before heading to the Monmouth County Fair, I asked my mom to cut all my hair off.

Y’all, she did a terrible job. I probably should have gone to a barber to get a cute style or something, but I didn’t. 

But it was so freeing. I was excited by it. It was like a “fcuk you” to those girls who made fun of me, and I was happy not to be living by someone else’s beauty standards.

So this is why I celebrate. I celebrate because that’s when I learned to embrace my beauty as a black girl. I loved being curly again, but I had to accept it being VERY short. With it being so short, I had nothing to hide behind. I had to accept my skin which, at points, was filled with acne, and my body, which, at points, I did not love. 

So this post is going to run through my entire journey thus far, how I used to care for my hair when my mom cut it, and my current routine. I’ll try to share some of the haircare I’ve used. I’m excited to share and excited you decided to read this.

Short.

When I first cut my hair, it was SO short I could not style it, but the good thing is that it was easy to take care of. Every natural girl knows what a wash and go is, but this usually requires a lot of time and product. It was awesome to wash or rinse my hair and go. I think all I did was run a little styling cream through my damp hair and walk out the door. The issue I had was that my hair would dry out pretty quickly. All I knew is that I needed something to help define my curls a bit and keep them moisturized.

Mid.

Because my hair was cut awkwardly and the way it grows out, I’ve had to cut my hair A LOT throughout the years to shape it. I did not notice much growth (even looking at pictures) for a few years. The back of my hair grows so fast, and the front does not seem to budge. I was happy to begin styling my hair though. This was when I started experimenting as I learned more about my hair needs and how to keep it moisturized for days. I started doing Bantu knot-outs more, wore a high puff, or pinned it back.

Now.

I had issues growing my hair for a while. It felt stuck, and maybe that was due to some depression a couple of years ago. I remember having a few showers with CLUMPS of hair coming out. I had to trim my hair a lot because of breakage. Now, I trim it every three months or so. I do it myself, even though I probably shouldn’t. One day, I will get it done professionally, but EYE don’t like people touching my hair, and I think I’m a little nervous about someone judging my hair and the way I care for it. It’s gotten a lot healthier over the last couple of years. I think it’s because I’ve been eating better, and due to the pandemic, I’ve been taking massive amounts of supplements. I’m not sure if this contributes to hair health directly, but I was deficient in vitamin D, and I’m sure adding that has helped my overall health.

I’m constantly considering my hair, especially as an active black woman. It takes a lot of time to wash and style my hair, so I try to avoid doing it as much as possible now. The way that I take care of my hair has changed a lot. I pretty much wash my hair once a week, twist it, and wear a headwrap most of the week. The key for me is not to touch it if I don’t have to, but I never keep it wrapped for seven days straight. I will always take it down at some point and wear it out or in a low bun. I like a high ponytail or bun as well, but these require a lot of pulling and extra manipulation that is not healthy for my hair.

My Routine.

So there’s a lot of judgment on what is considered right and wrong in the natural hair community, so I don’t typically share my routine, and you will never see pictures or videos of me doing my hair, BUT I’ve decided to type it out and give short descriptions for each step. I do what works for my hair, and it may not work for you, and that should be ok. All of this is very personal to me because I genuinely enjoy taking care of myself. I’m not recommending anything, just sharing.

Quick notes: I have type 4, low-medium porosity hair, and I typically avoid protein in my hair products.

Ok, I’m going to list my step-by-step wash day routine/products, and I’ll link what I can, so get ready for this shit…

Pre-Poo: I always section my hair in four and spritz some water. Depending on how dry or weak my hair feels, I’ll use a little bit of Jamaican Black Castor Oil, Amla oil, or the Philip Kingsley Elasticizer Extreme Rich Deep-Conditioning Treatment when I want to be bougie.

I’ve also gotten into scalp treatments to help with any build-up and so far have found two scrubs I like. I use these when I plan to shampoo my scalp. Act and Acre Scalp Renew Drunk Elephant TLC Happi Scalp Scrub

Shampoo: I think I’m a little weird with shampoo. Shampooing is something that I do almost every wash (which is usually once a week), and I only target my scalp, never my hair. Putting shampoo in my hair is a great way to dry it out. I keep my hair sectioned in four loose twists, and then I use a scalp massager to spread out the product and cleanse my scalp.  Organigrow Clarifying Shampoo, Pattern Hydrating Shampoo

Conditioner: After I shampoo, I’ll unravel a section at a time and use a very thick conditioner and use a detangling brush through each section. I always start at the very ends and work my way up. This is the part I can’t rush through, or I’ll end up ripping out my hair.  Shea Moisture Hemp Seed Oil Conditioner, Pattern Intensive Conditioner

Deep Conditioner: Some days, I’ll deep condition in the shower for like 5-10 minutes as I wash/exfoliate the rest of my body, and other days, I’ll hop out of the shower after shampooing and sit with a deep conditioner under a plastic cap and steam cap for like an hour. It depends on how much time I have and if my hair NEEDS the hour. I deep condition my hair every week. Organigrow Growtein Free Deep Moisture Condish, Obia Naturals Babassu Deep Conditioner, Shea Moisture Raw Shea Butter Deep Treatment Mask

Co-wash: I usually use a co-wash if it’s mid-week or I just don’t think I need to do too much in the shower. Organigrow Growash Conditioning Co-Wash

Brushes: I only use a brush in the shower and with a conditioner. These are my favorites. Pattern, Denman, Tangle Teezer, Scalp massager

Styling: Jamaican Black Castor Oil and Aloe Vera for the scalp and hair (to moisturize, aid with any inflammation, and the combo just makes my hair juicy), Organigrow styling products in this order: Hair Dew, Conditioning Curling Custard, Vegan Texture Butter. Sometimes I like to use Jamaican Black Castor Oil Butter as a sealant for my twist-outs, but this can cause some build-up on the hair when done too often.

Then I twist my hair while it’s still a little damp.

This routine can be… a lot. If I do every single step, it’ll probably take more than 3 hours, and I like that. I feel like everything I do ultimately benefits someone else somehow, and I want to take the time to do things that benefit me and me only. I love working out, I love taking care of my skin, and I love taking 3 hours to do my hair. I enjoy using most of my Sunday to take care of myself. If I have an open Sunday, I’ll go for a run in the morning, have a good breakfast, do every haircare step, exfoliate my body, do my nails, and watch some television (something I don’t do much of). This is my ideal self-care day, but it doesn’t always work out that way, and that’s ok. I have noticed that if the conditions aren’t right or I sense that they won’t be right, I will wait until they are or carve out time for the conditions to be perfect for me. Even if I do a simple co-wash, I NEVER want to be rushed. That’s not self-care. 

As I look through pictures from the last ten years, I keep thinking about how bold my big chop was and how I don’t intend on doing it again unless my hair needs it. I’m thinking these last ten years had me trying to figure out what works, and although I try new products here and there, my routine has stayed the same these last couple of years. It’s funny, there’s a point in the slideshow of pictures I can tell when it clicked. Now that I’ve found what works FOR ME, I think I’d like to grow it out as much as possible over the next ten years, and I’m hoping I can stick to regular trims.

What I’ve Learned.

I’ve learned to do what works for me. Just because I’ve listed out everything I use and how I use them doesn’t make my routine the right one for you. My current routine has taken a lot of trial and error, and as I’ve stated, it’s a lot. Ultimately, I’m happy with where my hair is right now, and I’m looking forward to the next ten years of embracing myself.