All of Her Things

My good friend Ella, who lives in Germany, asked how I was doing this morning. I told her I was upset and had a lot of thoughts, and she encouraged me to write them down. This isn’t a piece I want to be sitting on. It’s basically a diary entry. I’m posting it for myself since writing it was cathartic, and I feel so much lighter now, I just want to let it go. So here are my raw and initial thoughts with minimal edits.

I wasn’t surprised when I woke up this morning to see the election results. I had hope, much higher hopes than when Hillary ran, and part of me wanted to believe in the good of the people. Hoping there couldn’t actually be so many people interested in electing someone so hateful, racist, homophobic, antisemitic, Islamophobic, a rapist even. But America did what America does. It lets down the marginalized and the poor. A country supposedly built on Christian ideals. Those who voted this way cannot be true Christians, in my opinion.

I fear for the future of my niece. A little black girl. How we live in a world where she is undervalued and unprotected, where her reproductive rights are in danger, whether she lives in a “blue state” or not, where her choice to choose hangs in the balance of only a few men. I fear for my LGBTQ+ friends, but mostly my trans friends, living in a world where they are unprotected and their lives are constantly in danger because of who they are and who they love. I even fear for my friends born outside this country and my husband as we consider where to live. I fear immigration may work against us. I fear for my future children, as they will be black first.

I woke up this morning wondering so many things, mainly why people hate black women so much. I wondered who in my life voted against me and the people I care about. I wondered who stayed home. I wondered why people vote the way they do. I wondered what the overall demographics were. I thought about the black men who have shown their wives and daughters they do not care to protect them. I wondered why white women continue to vote against issues that benefit them. I thought about the white men who fear their country is being taken away from them. I thought about the people who have worked to ban abortion in all cases, including incest and rape. I wondered why Democrats always have to be the “bigger people.” I thought about the fight between Israel and Palestine and what comes next. I wondered if those bomb threats at polling stations impacted the vote. I hate to say it, but I called Putin our president. I thought about how our elections impact the dynamic of elections worldwide.

I thought about all this, but as I said, I wasn’t surprised. We continue to do this to ourselves. I don’t consider myself very political, but I care about others. Some people may think this isn’t that serious and may think my response is dramatic, but I have already seen comments from people I know who are scared. Had this election gone the other way, I doubt the reaction from the opposing side would be fearing for their own safety.

Those who voted for him yet again have shown their true colors. The first time, I wasn’t sure people understood the type of person he was, but he’s shown us time and time again. For those who voted for him, It is you that he reflects. He is a symbol of your hate. There are no mistakes or misunderstandings. You do not care about other people, you are homophobic, you are antisemitic and Islamophobic, you are racist, you are okay with rape and incest, and you are okay with basic human rights and the right to choose being taken from others. I feel sorry for those who are self-hating.

“All skinfolk ain’t kinfolk.” – Zora Neale Hurston

I don’t care about having conversations about the economy with people who support him because, at this point, you’ve shown your true self. Nothing anyone says will make you less hateful.

I do, however, wish everyone the best and hope we all find ways to block out the noise, center self-care, and ultimately be able to center community care. Pay attention and be kind to your neighbor, especially if they don’t look like you, because that’s where it starts.

I am heartbroken but not surprised. Here’s to hoping we can once again find some goodness and tiny glimmers in our future. Here’s to hoping America doesn’t continue to do what it always does.

Dani