All of Her Things

A random TikTok experiment, my thoughts on the app, and why I want to quit it.

This is a post I started in October, but struggled to complete because I got busy with visitors, got sick, then visited the US for the month, shifted my focus to German learning, then got sick again. My bad. Christmas is over, and I want this post out before the New Year, so here you go!

A random experiment

A couple of months ago, I completed two months of German classes, but this post has nothing to do with that. Well, sort of. For a good chunk of the last 5 years, I’ve been home and wearing comfortable clothes, but my German classes were in-person, and I was kind of excited about it. Not because I was going to be around people, but because I could wear my regular clothes again. I was excited to wear jeans or a skirt and get out of my everyday house clothes. I even wore pieces I’ve had for maybe 15 years. I decided to document this all on TikTok, not for the likes, but basically to avoid being overly cringe on Instagram. I was curious if anyone would actually like these videos, and THEY say that if you’re consistent with your posting, your videos will get more views. Below are some highlights

What I learned about myself and clothes

Overall, I had a lot of fun doing this. I learned a great deal about my style, especially that I don’t adhere to a specific day-to-day style. Some days, I wanted something laid-back with a tomboy vibe, and other days I wanted to feel pretty and feminine (even while wearing my Adidas Sambas).

I also learned a bit about my shopping habits. Each day, I took time to look through my closet, noting what was there and when I last wore it. I was able to see the gaps (there weren’t many). It was kind of like shopping, as I found new ways to mix up my clothes. I pulled out things I wouldn’t usually wear, and it was a lot of fun. I was able to express myself in a way I hadn’t in years. 

With all of that, the more I wore my things and loved what I wore, the fewer new things I wanted. Don’t get it twisted. I’m a girl who loves shopping. I think my mom and I would go to the mall more often than the average person. It was our bonding time. A lot has changed, and I admit I sometimes like to shop in-store to recapture the feelings I had when I was with my mom, but I think the pandemic did a real number on all of us. Shopping has become a mindless thing we do because we’re bored. Everywhere I turn, there’s an ad to buy something, ESPECIALLY on TikTok. I enjoy seeing the trends, but I was really proud of myself for limiting my shopping. Please note: I’m not saying I didn’t buy anything new, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me buying a few pieces here and there. I don’t regret anything I’ve bought recently, but I do want to cut back on shopping a bit.

What I learned about TikTok

TikTok can get weird, and if you’re not already on the app, please don’t join. I originally joined to watch makeup tutorials, but my timeline turned into something else. I find myself getting lost on that app with so many opinions on different topics. Sometimes it’s all fun, but it can also get pretty dark.

Unfortunately, my little experiment wasn’t all fun and games. When I decided to start doing this, I didn’t expect many people to see it. I’m okay with that. The idea of “going viral” scares me. There was, however, a point when I got a little too much attention from people I didn’t want attention from. My videos ended up on what I would call “creep Tok.” I think it’s because I made many references to going to class, and you can’t see my face most of the time. I’m convinced I may have ended up on “pedo Tok. I got so many messages from weird older men, and some of them were saving my videos. I have a couple of posts with my husband, and for some reason, those got really low views. It became a little too much, and I started blocking anyone who sent me a private message or saved my video. It was nice when the girlies liked and commented, though. It was like a palate cleanser. 

Another Note: The ads in the US are stupid

I was recently in the US for a month, and I never truly realized that ads are literally everywhere until this trip. My TikTok in the US was different from TikTok in Germany. There was an ad maybe every 3 videos or so. I don’t know how my American friends can enjoy the app like that. I understand that the US is a capitalist society, heavily reliant on consumerism. I get it. The ads are meant to sell you things and keep you on the app, but it’s way too much. Besides the stress of staying with my parents for a month, there was a heavy dread weighing on my shoulders every time I saw an ad. It may have even been worse because it was November, leading into the holidays, when every brand was having a sale. I’m glad to be back in Germany, where I’m not being inundated with ads (not saying there aren’t ads, but it’s clearly more regulated here). That weight I mentioned lifted once I got back. This topic does require more thought and attention than I want to give it here, or this post will be way too long, but it leads me to my next thought.

Final Thoughts

I have now gone private on TikTok, and I’m considering archiving my content over the next few weeks, with the hope of deleting the app from my phone and viewing it only on my computer for makeup and travel reviews. A lot of the content I see on TikTok ends up on Instagram anyway, I just see it a day or two later. Sometimes social media is fun, and I really want to know what people are saying about a topic. I love feeling connected to Black Americans, as I live in Germany, but we aren’t meant to have this much content.

I’d really like to go back to slower living and long-form content. I believe US TikTok will soon be under new ownership, and Americans may eventually move to a new short-form content app anyway. It’s still my goal to stay informed, but I don’t think I need to know everything… for my own mental health.