All of Her Things

Last September, I ran the Copenhagen half-marathon, and although I enjoyed the route through Copenhagen’s city center, I was absolutely depleted after that race. I wasn’t shooting for a specific time; I just wanted to complete it and feel good. Then I ran the Philly 8k during the Philadelphia Marathon weekend in November. I felt a little better after that race, but I knew I needed to stop running completely because even running 5k felt exhausting.

For the first time in maybe 4 years, I didn’t want to run. I wasn’t getting that runner’s high I used to get. I didn’t feel like I accomplished anything after running either. Instead, I found it increasingly hard to motivate myself to get outside, and I was always sore. I found it hard to want to do anything else that day, even when I ran like 3 miles.

Over the years, it was hard to take running breaks. I’d run 5-6 days a week when I lived in Philly, but in 2022, I hurt my hip from overuse. That felt like the hardest time in my life because I couldn’t run for a period. I was able to go for walks and strength train, but it was hard to get the same sense of accomplishment I got from running. And although my movement was slightly hindered, I could still climb (thank goodness). I went to physical therapy and ran slower from then on, but I was eventually able to run again, and it made me happy.

Here I am, years later, happy I was able to let it go for the last 6 months, knowing I could go longer if I wanted. I now have so many outlets, I don’t think I NEED to run; not for the exercise. I found so many different types of movement that have given me what running can’t: strength and power. I lift weights, I climb, I kickbox, I do ballet, and most of all, I’ve started to love walking. And I feel good doing all of those things.

But one thing those other workouts can’t do is help me shut off my brain. When I climb, box, or dance, I’m always thinking about technique; where my arm, or hand, or foot should be to do the thing correctly. When I walk, I’m thinking about everything. I’m planning my life and remembering things I need to do that day. But when I would run, I let go of everything happening in my life.

Lately, I’ve had an image of the devil and the angel in my mind, both sitting on my shoulders. The angel would whisper in one ear that I should stick to walking and focus on all the other movement I’ve already been doing for the rest of the year. “You’ve been weakened; it’s time to find your strength, girl”. Then that little devil on my shoulder whispers in the other ear saying, “You know you want to run. Don’t you want to clear your mind?” (as I edit this, I’m actually thinking of Towelie from South Park saying, “Wanna get high?”)

And he’s right. I want to clear my mind and feel that high again.

But I fight back.

Because I cannot run with a weak body.

I need to continue focusing on my strength, BUT I’ve decided to compromise with myself. Yes, my main focus for this year will continue to be strengthening my body, but I will run once a week to switch things up. I started running again 2-3 weeks ago, and that first run was TOUGH. It was 2 miles of torture, but I was proud to get through it. My second run felt a little bit better. After my third, a little high came back, and I felt good the whole day. That third run took place on a Sunday, and I absolutely love running on Sunday, so I will continue doing that.

What’s next? Well, I’m hoping to feel a little bit stronger each week. I’m sticking to 2-3 miles for now, and my husband and I may run our town’s summer race this year. I think there are multiple distances, but I’ll be sticking with 5k. By the fall, I’ll increase to run maybe 2-3 times a week, depending on how I feel. I’ll be running in the Philly 8k again with my friends.

So yeah, I’m getting back into it, but I’ll be taking it easy.

.always.

Dani