All of Her Things

My first show in 3 years.

Before

I haven’t performed in years.

When I moved to Philly, I had no idea how to get into the theatre/music scene there, but I was so busy working, honestly, I felt that exercise was the better option anyway, so I’m not upset. I did manage to do one show in 2023. I’d drive 90 minutes or so from Philly to Middletown, NJ, to play Rena in Jitney. I’ll do almost anything to perform in an August Wilson play. But that was the only show I did, and I admit, I was pretty stressed out doing that. Before that, I did a performance with no audience because it was during COVID. I played Ti Moune in an online presentation of Once on This Island.

Then I got married and moved to Germany in 2024. We didn’t even move close to Berlin, which probably has a big creative scene; I fell in love with Munich. It has its own arts scene for sure, but probably more for classical arts, and it didn’t seem like there was much opportunity to act. Since moving to this area, I’ve been trying to dabble in everything that brought me joy in the past, mostly living an active lifestyle. However, I really wanted to perform.

I reached out to a voice teacher in the area and began to work with her, mostly on classical pieces, which helped me feel like a “real” singer again. I spoke with her about what I wanted to do with my singing, and I really wasn’t sure at the time. I figured I’d end up singing in a choir or something, but then I received a newsletter email from a theatre company I’d been following, Entity Theatre, an English-language theatre in Munich. I’d been wanting to audition for a play, but the timing was always off for me because my husband and I travel so much. This time, Entity was auditioning for a Musical Revue, and it seemed like the rehearsal period and shows would fit into my schedule for once! I was so excited, I think I was one of the first people to sign up for the audition.

The Audition

I absolutely hate auditioning. If I could avoid it, I would because my anxiety shoots through the roof. I also hate the waiting. I remember spending entire days in NYC trying to audition for a Broadway show, only to not be seen. But for my last few roles in New Jersey community theatre, I was lucky enough to be asked to join the cast because I had made a little name for myself there. Needless to say, I hadn’t auditioned in a while, so I was nervous.

We had the option to send a video or sing in person. I chose to audition in person. I felt like I needed to feel the heaviness of anxiety for this audition and remind myself what it was like to sing for people again. I felt that if I couldn’t sing in front of the producers, I wouldn’t have enough confidence to sing on stage for more people. Part of me felt like I wouldn’t deserve it. In person it was!

We were allowed to sing 1 minute of a musical theatre number, and I chose the most intense part of “Your Daddy’s Son” from Ragtime. I knew the entire song already because I did Ragtime years ago. I auditioned for Sarah, but unfortunately, didn’t get the part. I was placed in the ensemble, which was fine because I made a lot of friends and, honestly, ensemble has more fun, but I won’t pretend I didn’t want that part badly.

After I sang for the director and producers, one of them walked me out of the room, saying I almost made her cry. That made me feel so good. Sure, in the back of my mind I thought that meant I had a good chance of getting into the show, but even if I didn’t, I left feeling like I’d made an impression. I felt that I could audition again if I needed to. I felt that if I didn’t make the show, it wasn’t because I made a massive mistake or was a bad singer; it would be for some other reason, and I’d be okay with that. I gained a little confidence that day. I thought if I didn’t make the show, it would be their loss.

A few days later, I got the email from the director, Wro, saying that I did, in fact, get into the cast!

The Rehearsals

The rehearsal period pretty much took up the month of May, but each cast member only needed to attend an hour-long rehearsal for each song maybe twice within the month. I requested to sing “Your Daddy’s Son” for the show, and I was asked to do a trio singing “A Step Too Far” from Aida. I learned that I would be singing with a woman I had met via Facebook only a few months prior, and we were so excited to meet for the first time and sing together.

My first rehearsal was for “Your Daddy’s Son”. It was absolutely amazing. Wro had me thinking of the song more as an acting piece, every line having its own intention. I hadn’t worked that way in quite some time, but I realized, working this way actually helps with memorization.  I was pretty stiff at first and hadn’t thought about any of this, so the notes and exercises Wro gave were super helpful. I left that first rehearsal pretty satisfied.

Then a day or two later, the woman who would be in the trio reached out to me, letting me know she was unable to make it to our rehearsal because of a personal issue and was unsure if she’d be doing the show anymore. So the first rehearsal for “A Step Too Far” was just Aida and Radames, and I got nervous that the song would be cut. Another issue was that I would be traveling to the US for 10 days to visit family and go to my cousin’s wedding. There wasn’t going to be enough time to put the song together. Luckily, our director’s wife, Olivia, who also had her own music to put together for the show, stepped in as Amneris. I believe she played the part already, so she didn’t have to learn the music, unlike me, who was struggling to memorize this piece. I was glad she joined us! If you don’t know the song, each singer has their own verse, and at the end, there is a polyphony where we come together and sing our verses together at the same time. It’s hard, and it took a lot of work.

We had two tech/dress rehearsals, putting our performances on stage for the first time, checking lights and checking sound. We also had the opportunity to watch each other’s performances and cheer each other on. I was able to attend one group rehearsal for our “Seasons of Love” number, but I was just getting to know the other 10 or so cast members and didn’t feel much of a connection. Once we hit tech, I could really feel the community, and I started to wish we had a few more days together as one big group.

The Shows

Honestly, show weekend sped by at lightning speed. I wanted it to slow down.

As Friday, June 12, our first show, approached, I remembered my usual preshow ritual… go for a run.

A quick story about that: Years ago, when I was in college, I was performing with the choir at some event. During the show, my heart rate sped up, and I was finding it hard to breathe. The girl next to me noticed something was off and held my hand as we walked offstage. I don’t remember what I did immediately after that, actually, because I must have blacked it out, and honestly, it’s been almost 20 years, but I had a panic attack. I do remember sitting in a chair backstage with my choir director and him telling me to start going for a run before I perform. And that’s that. It’s what I’ve been doing for years, and this show would not be any different. I’m calmer, and the heart rate spike I get during my performance is low, and I’m literally able to think about what’s coming up while I’m doing something else. It’s like time moves slower and I can take in my surroundings and receive the moment fully. And that’s how each of my performances felt that weekend. I was nervous, but all I needed was to breathe.

I don’t have many thoughts on my performance in “A Step Too Far”. As I stated above, that last bit was hard, but we got through it in all three performances. “Your Daddy’s Son”, however, was a bit much. I think this is a character I should explore more, and if I have the opportunity, I should audition for Sarah again. This song is desperation, abandonment, grief, forgiveness, and love, all wrapped up in a lullaby. It’s a powerful number. Every show, I’d walk offstage and be shaking from all the emotions. I asked if someone could just, like, give me a shake or a hug after I sang this. I felt a little bit like a diva asking for this, but it was needed, ESPECIALLY since I had to go back onstage immediately and smile and sing the first solo in “Seasons of Love”. During each show, Olivia would give me the best little shake and hug before we walked back out on stage. I immediately felt the weight lifted, and my smile came back naturally. I’d walk on a little later than the rest of the cast, and I appreciated their smiles and touches as I came back on. If any of you are reading this, thank you!

Backstage was so supportive as well. We’d all lightly clap, snap, or give a thumbs-up with our biggest smiles to whoever just performed. Every song got stronger from Friday night to Saturday night. I also received more audience support than I ever had before. My husband attended Friday and Saturday night, along with my Schwagerin and her husband, our good friends from Munich, my closest friend here in Germany, Ella, and her husband, and my Schwiegereltern all came to see me. Even my neighbors came! It’s the most people I’ve ever had come to support me.

I also started to feel so much closer to the cast as I realized our time together was coming to an end.

After

As I type this, I admit, I’m pretty sad. I hadn’t felt that musical theatre camaraderie in so many years. I forgot what it felt like. Doing theatre is like graduating high school over and over again. You get to know a group of people so well, and then suddenly, it’s over; you move on with your lives, spread out, do other things. I felt like I’d known these people for years, but I’d only just met most of them the week prior. I hope to keep in touch, or maybe even do another show with them.

What an amazing experience, though. It’s been years, but I was able to do something I absolutely love, and I hope to do more. I don’t know what’s next, but after this show, I know I can challenge myself, and I won’t be questioning if I still got it. The love I have for performing and being on stage never left.

To the amazing cast, crew, director, and producers: Thank you! You are all such kind people, and I’m so happy I was given this opportunity to work with all of you. I wish we had another weekend of shows just so I could continue to be around your energy. I’m so proud to call you my friends.

.always.

Dani