All of Her Things

About my hair…

I don’t usually write a whole blog post on this subject, but since I’m in my blogging era and 15 years seems special (because it ends in a 5), I’ll write about my hair this year.

Fifteen years ago, I cut off all my hair.

When I was young, my mother would take the time to braid my long, curly, kinky hair every day or so before school, usually 2-5 big braids, with cute little barrettes at the ends. By 5^th or 6^th  grade, when I was 11 or 12, kids started making fun of my hair (and my crooked tooth). I begged my mom, and she finally let me get it straightened. At first she’d use a hot comb. It’s funny because the same girls who made fun of my braids then went on to make fun of my hair when it was straightened because it was still big and bouncy; my mom would use the curling iron and “bump the ends”. I remember a girl laughing at me, saying I looked like Oprah. Sometimes, I would go to the salon to get my hair done until the hairdresser burnt the center of my scalp, causing the hair to singe off. Still, over 20 years later, it hasn’t grown right in that spot.

By middle school, I was getting my hair chemically straightened or “relaxed”. It was a monthly (ish) occurrence where my mother would plaster Just For Me or, later, Pink hair relaxer throughout my hair. It’s been over 15 years, and I will never forget that chemical smell or the burning sensation and, oh my goodness, the scabs I got. Even when I was in college, I’d have my mother relax my hair.

Before my senior year, I started to feel not like myself. Maybe I was being someone else and felt I was living by someone else’s beauty standard. I felt a change in my appearance was needed.

Also, I started to think about how I couldn’t relax and maintain my own hair without my mother’s help. I also feared going to salons thanks to the hairdresser who burnt my scalp. I decided that I’d stop relaxing it and let it regrow in its natural state.

Oof, that was a rough hair year for me! I’d try to straighten it with a flat iron and I would wear clip-in hair extensions to cover some of the growth. I had no idea what I was doing, but it didn’t look TOO bad. I didn’t immediately cut it because I admit, I was so scared. What if I didn’t like it?

I graduated from college in May 2011 and started putting off the cut once summer started. I knew I needed to do it, though. I don’t know, something came over me the weekend of July 30^th, right before my then-boyfriend picked me up for the Monmouth County Fair, to just do it. I walked to my mom’s room with a pair of scissors, dressed for the fair, and asked her to cut it.  Honestly, it was good that I waited until after graduation because it took me a while to get used to seeing myself with such short hair.

Over the last 15 years, I’ve loved and hated my hair. I don’t think I liked it much when my mom first cut it. It took a lot of trial and error to figure out what worked best for my hair, and I learned that my hair loves twist outs; it’s the best way for it to stay moisturized.  For a while, my hair journey kind of became about how to grow it back out. I’ve trimmed it quite a bit, but I refused to give myself a real cut… until recently.

My hair is kind of weird. The front and sides take a long time to grow, but the back grows so quickly; I consistently end up with something close to a mullet. Also, over the last year or so, it became hard to style. I totally stopped wearing my hair out; I always needed it in a bun. I figured it could be for multiple reasons:

1. Before moving to Germany, I would mostly use Sunday as a full-day wash day. I’d run in the morning and then use the rest of the day for my hair, self-care, and relaxation. This would include a pre-poo, shampoo, conditioner, deep conditioning, sometimes a protein mask, and all the oils. I think when I moved here, I got a little lazy.
2. Germany has hard water. The water here has a good amount of chalk. I always thought Philly water was hard, but I think the water here is a bit harder.
3. I was lacking vitamins. Although I’m always sleepy, last year I was fighting serious fatigue, and it turned out I was missing some essential vitamins.
4. Maybe I needed a real haircut.

So yeah, since my 14-year hair anniversary:

1. I’ve tried my best to do my full routine MOST weekends.
2. I bought a shower filter, which I think is doing a decent job filtering out most, but not all, of the minerals.
3. I religiously take my vitamins every single day.
4. In March, I cut my hair… like a lot. It’s not like when I first cut my hair 15 years ago, but it’s a cute little bob that looks so much healthier. I love the way it looks.

It seems my hair needed a little more TLC in Germany.

So happy 15-year hair anniversary to me. I got cute photos (as usual) taken for the occasion (below) because ultimately, I love myself, I love being black, and I love my kinky, curly hair.

.always.

Dani